Test your Jewish IQ: True or False. “Sarah Hirsch, a nice Jewish girl who works in finance walks in to a lunch to meet her girlfriends with her new Cartier watch and brags ‘Look what I just picked up at the Cartier store on 52nd and 5th!’” Take a minute. Think about it. You have your answer?  You think it’s true, right?  Of course!  Sarah Hirsch who’s probably doing well enough in her finance job, despite the economy, would buy herself a fancy watch.  And why wouldn’t she want to show it off to her friends?  Well if you answered true, then you are WRONG!  Sarah Hirsch, a nice self-respecting Jewish girl from the tri-state area would never, ever buy retail!!  Why would she?  She, like all Jews, “knows a guy.”  If the statement read “Look what I just picked up at the Forever Diamonds in the Jewelry district!” Then we would be on to something.

Do you see the difference?  See what is only obvious to the trained (read: Jewish) eye is that Sarah’s grandfather, David Hirsch, came over from the Ukraine with a man named Saul Schmulwizt.  By the time Saul and David arrived at Ellis Island they had formed a bond, one that would be ever lasting (and survive the Schmulwizt name change to Smith).  They would both go on to get married, have families and successful businesses.  David was a grocer who raised a son named Adam.  Adam grew up and became a successful Podiatrist.  He married Rachel Kornwitz whose father was a successful accountant in South Jersey.  They had two daughters Laura and Sarah. 

Saul on the other hand went into the wholesale Diamond business.  He opened shop on 47th street in New York City.  He was a nice man who made connections all over town.  When it got too much for him to be on his feet all day (despite the orthotics provided by a Dr. Adam Hirsch) he gave the business to his son Joshua.  Adam would come into check on Saul often, (or to drop off tax forms from his father-in-law) after all it was from Saul that he bought the engagement ring that he gave to Rachel, at probably 40% what he would have found in a store.  By this point in his career he was selling diamonds to Choppard, Tiffany and Cartier. 

So when Sarah Hirsch decided that the Cartier Tank was the present she would buy herself with her bonus she knew that the first step would be to walk into that fancy Cartier store on 57th street and 5th avenue.  Not to buy it, no no no, what a shanda! (Google it), but to try on the Tank.  She would ask the salesperson to write down the number of the item so she would remember which one it was “the next time she came in to buy it.”   She would take that card with the number on it and explain to the salesperson that she would have to think about it.  At which point she would walk out of the door and call her father, Adam, the podiatrist, and tell him she found THE watch!  The one she wants!  Adam would ask her several times if she was sure, even though he knows she’s been pondering this for months.  Because, he would explain, once he calls Josh Schmul (he decided to change the name back from Smith, Schmulwizt was too difficult to spell, so he just went with Schmul), there is no changing her mind.  Sarah would sleep on it one more night (we’re an indecisive people) then call her father in the morning.  Adam would then call Josh and ask him to order the watch.  He would explain that Sarah is doing well, but not too well, (to ensure the best discount) and that she wanted to buy herself a little something.  Josh would then call the store that Sarah had just walked out of the day before and explain that he needed to order a watch for a customer.  He would get that watch at cost and sell it to Sarah at the same price.  For others he would mark it up just a tad, he’s gotta make a living, but for Sarah, with such history, she gets cost. 

And then in three to four weeks (everything is always on back order) Sarah would walk into that lunch with her girlfriends and show off her new bling. 

It’s really a simple process.  The lesson? We always, always have a guy.  Whether it be a jeweler, a podiatrist, an accountant, a lawyer, a grocer, a dentist.  There is a bond of struggle that unites these people and ensures that they never, ever pay retail.  Puh, puh, puh. (Google it.)