January 2012
1 post
SHIT CHIRSTIANS SAY TO JEWS →
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
3 posts
'Scuse me Officer Cohen... by Lauren
Like any good Jew I have my doctors on speed dial. (Or in Iphone speak, “favorites.”) That’s why yesterday as I was driving away from my favorite salad place with a salad in my lap taking bites as I drive and I felt a pain in my bite, I knew that Dr. Gandin was only a phone call away.
I’m on the phone with Laurie, his secretary, describing my tooth pain in detail when...
More NYTimes Articles about Jews... Apparently... →
The NEW YORK TIMES says Jews are the happiest! →
September 2010
1 post
10 tags
April 2010
1 post
REASON 17: Matchmaker, Matchmaker by Lauren
It’s a right of passage for every Jewish woman when the day comes that she turns into a matchmaker. Whether by design or just happenstance, ladies, it happens to each of us. Either someone will seek us out, or we just wont be able to help ourselves!
See the thing about Jewish women is that we know other Jewish women and if you’re lucky, we know attractive Jewish women. But without...
March 2010
1 post
REASON DELAYED -- A Digression
First, an apology to our faithful readers (and by “faithful readers” I obviously mean Lauren’s friends that she pressures into reading the blog and Lauren’s family members who read the blog because they love her) for the HUGE delay between posts. It’s 100%, totally and completely my fault. I don’t even have a good excuse; I’ve just been lazy. But, with...
January 2010
1 post
REASON 16: FAMILIES by Lauren
“I mean, it’s been [BEEP] years, I think I know when her birthday is, Mom.” My brother’s reaction to my mom calling him to remind him to call me on my birthday (which was December 20th) like she does every year. To all of us. About each of our birthdays.
The holidays have just ended (goyishe - we all know that Hanukkah is not a real one…) and even though my family...
December 2009
4 posts
Reason 15: BEING BAD JEWS by Allen
My sister, a nice Jewish girl (who has some of the stuff, but really is not materialistic, so don’t call her a JAP), is engaged to a nice Jewish guy. They recently got an e-mail from the cantor who is going to marry them, asking to meet soon to discuss the marriage, give some counseling and get to know them as a couple before the wedding. The cantor proposed 3 dates: Tuesday midday, Wednesday...
WatchNothing like a Goyishe Chanukah… starring WLBJ’s Lauren!
Reason 14: NACHAS by Lauren
If you’re Jewish, the phrase much nachas is something you are most probably familiar with. (See our Rosh Hashanah Happy New Year post.) For my goy, nachas is the Yiddish word meaning blessings or joy said in times of joy and sadness. At a funeral perhaps May you have much Nachas from here on out. At a wedding Continued Nachas. It goes on and on. One might think that wishing this upon...
November 2009
2 posts
REASON 13: BOCA LADIES by Allen
I just flew east (and by “east” I mean SOUTHeast) to Flordia to celebrate my grandfather’s 80th birthday. It was a joyful weekend of family time, tennis and reading. The big event — his birthday party — was at Matteo’s in Boca Raton. Walking to Matteo’s back room, I was reminded of one of our world’s not hidden (but sometimes forgotten) treasures:...
October 2009
3 posts
REASON 12: GUILT by Lauren
Guilt, ah what a beast she be. Merriam-Webster dictionary defiines her as follows:
1 : the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct 2 a : the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b : feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy :self-reproach 3 : a...
September 2009
5 posts
4 tags
REASON 11: Temple by Allen
Ask any Jewish kid (or any gentile child (un)fortunate enough to have gone to temple), and he will tell you that temple sucks. ”It’s booooooring.” And to some degree, little Ari Helfman is right. PARTS of temple are boring — major parts. But, there are some parts that are awesome!
TEMPLE IS MAGIC! Did you know that? It is. The best part about turning 13 certainly...
REASON 10: The Fall and Education by Lauren
Fall is my favorite season. The smell of foliage (or the wish of it in LA), new pencils, books, sweaters, shiny new shoes and the promise of new beginnings. That probably sounds familiar to many, but if you’re Jewish the fall also includes SAT Prep, Mrs. Macy, the math tutor, dance, tennis and piano lessons and, of course, Hebrew School. And even after all of that, I still love this...
REASON 9: Multitasking by Allen
We Jews love killing multiple birds with but a single stone. With that in mind, check out www.funnyordie.com/allenhere/blog for five posts I wrote/will write as the Funny or Die featured blogger of the week for this week (i.e. the week of August 31).
August 2009
4 posts
REASON 8: ISRAEL by Lauren
A few years ago, well four to be exact, I went on BIRTHRIGHT ISRAEL. It is an organization that sends Jewish kids, ages 18-26, to Israel on the condition that they have never been with the not-at-all hidden agenda of turning them in to Zionists. Well here’s to the converted! Not only was that one of the happiest times in my life (yes, I met a boy, but that’s not why…), but...
REASON 7: Hosting With The Mosting by Allen
When we tribesmen are not complaining, we’re either shoveling a knish into our yappers (which knish will be washed down with a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda in turn) or showing you just how good we have it. I recently had the pleasure of showing two New York resident friends around Los Angeles, and we had a time — the beach, Malibu Seafood, Bay Cities to go (and eaten on UCLA’s...
REASON 6: Moms by Lauren (please note, that moms...
Email from my mom on Monday:
fromRobert Schnipper <rismd@xxxxx.net>
toLauren Schnipper <lschnipp@xxxx.com>
dateMon, Aug 3, 2009 at 8:48 AM
subjectSpell check
On your blog: correct linen Not linin correct Manishevitz ( I think, I know you spelled it wrong) Busy packing. Love and hugs, Mom
—
Please note that the email is clearly sent from my dad’s email address,...
July 2009
6 posts
REASON 5: We all look alike by Lauren's random...
A message sent to Lauren on Facebook by a woman she’s never met:
Wendy says, “Hi Lauren! I am Sid Gluckman’s wife; Lee & Mark’s daughter in law. Look at my photos because our daughter looks so much like you! I have a picture of she and Sid where her face was painted and as soon as Lee saw it she said the Annika (our daughter) looks alot like you!! I would love to...
REASON 4: Jewish Theater by Allen
Last Friday night I did the second most Jewish thing a 20-something Jewish boy living in Los Angeles could do: I saw Topol star in Fiddler on the Roof at the Pantages Theater! (Naturally, the most Jewish thing would be Shabbat dinner with my family, replete with pleas from my mother to fix me up, because my father already had 2 kids when he was my age.) Making the night more magical, a college...
We're not the only ones... →
REASON 3: Shabbat by Lauren
I decided to put my money where my mouth is and host my first grown up Shabbat. I emailed everyone and presented a few possible dates. My Shabbat dream team got back to me and the date was set! Then about a week before my Shabbat, I decided not to hire a girl (decidedly very un-Jewish of me) and do the dishes. It was a Tuesday night, no big thing. I thought I’d be done in a few and on the couch...
REASON 2: We know a guy by Lauren
Test your Jewish IQ: True or False. “Sarah Hirsch, a nice Jewish girl who works in finance walks in to a lunch to meet her girlfriends with her new Cartier watch and brags ‘Look what I just picked up at the Cartier store on 52nd and 5th!’” Take a minute. Think about it. You have your answer? You think it’s true, right? Of course! Sarah Hirsch who’s probably doing well enough in her finance job,...
REASON 1: Heightened Senses by Allen
When people think of superheroes, they typically don’t think of their friend Stacey Gold who could afford to lose those ten pounds she’s always talking about, Avi Friedman who sneezes more than he talks about the Knicks (and trust he talks about the Knicks a lot) or Grandma Pearl who is always cooking, doesn’t want help, but does want you to want to help or, at the very least, sit at the Formica...